book club

i want to be a part of a book club . . . after school of course. just a thought and a reminder to one day be in a book club. oh and if there are any recommendations of good books let me know! i'll keep a list . . .

cell phones and planes

why do we turn off our cell phones and all other electronics during take off and landing? regardless of the exact reason, it will interfere yadda yadda yadda, we all obey. first, we are going to fly thousands of feet above the ground and anything to assure a safe flight we will do.
in this current day and age there are however, electronics/iphones/bluetooths with an "airport mode" switch. this enables the phone to remain on during the flight; however, this does NOT mean it can remain on during take off and landing. honestly, it still interferes with radio connection. meaning, without clear radio connection on the ground how is the plane supposed to maneuver through the airport??
real story: i sat by a very nice, friendly woman on my flight from chicago to raleigh. chicago is a huge airport and we coasted through the maze of planes for about ten minutes before we took off. i noticed this woman kept her iphone on during take off. i wasn't sure so i didn't say anything. as we were descending into raleigh she was using her phone and using whatever application for entainment the stewardess came over. he told her to turn off the iphone and she proceeded to simply darken the screen to black. she did not turn it off. she merely kept the screen black to "fool" us all.
i understand these devices are capable to remain on furing the flight, but not during landing and take off; however, for her own ease as well as my own, why would anyone risk a complication with a flight full of a couple hundred people?? i mean really, i think she has rebellious tendency's which she never really let loose during her adolescent years.

a new daily lifestyle

i wonder what it will be like to live in north carolina for 16 months. i'm here now and i feel detached from those in jackson i share my life with . . . it is bitter yet sweet because i am going to be a nurse and yet i feel i will miss out on the lives of those i love. the relationships in my life are what keep me going. they are the ones that inspire me, and make me laugh, and even help me cherish the daily life of living in jackson. so, to all of you who read this: don't forget about me, write letters (i will write back), and call. know i will be back to become a nurse and a ski bum.

go tarheels!

i cannot believe in a matter of 5 minutes my life took an unexpected turn. i received a call at 6:45am asking whether or not i was going to accept or decline my admission into nursing school . . . hmmmmm let me think, are you kidding me? of course not! i'll be there JANUARY 11th!!!
praise the lord: the path to the career of my dreams is heading in the perfect direction. i am going to north carolina to get my nursing degree. i am still in disbelief.
in addition to all my excitement i have an overwhelming sense of how hard and strenuous this is going to be, in addition to the fact i have to go back to being a full time student . . . oh, and did i mention i've never been there? yep, i guess i am a little more than nervous.
i am going to chapel hill in a week and a half for orientation so hopefully i gain some perspective before i officially drive all that way: i hope i don't get lost, i hope that raleigh (the city i fly in to) is not that intimidating of a city, and i hope the freeways aren't like san franciscon or l.a. and i hope i don't fail miserably, i want to flourish . . .
thank you to all who supported me . . . i felt many people were pulling for me, i think that is why i got in :)

jumping on my bed

when was the last time you jumped on your bed? as a kid, i used to jump on my bed all the time . . . beds in hotel rooms were always the best. but the other day i starting jumping on my bed and to my surprise, at 24 years old, it was just as much fun as it was 15 years ago. i am taller so unfortunately i needed to think about hitting my head on the ceiling . . . even if i am 5'2". but the freeing, whimsical, and weightlessness i felt came at the perfect time. at this moment in my life there are all these questions and thoughts racing through my head and paths i could or couldn't take. the feelings of freedom, or joy, or pure fun of jumping on my bed helped me relieve any thoughts i shouldn't worry about. i will leave them to the air and come down on my nice fluffy bed.

a big wedding

i've never been much for big weddings. don't get me wrong i love to go to them and celebrate a marriage and dance and see people i haven't seen in awhile, but personally, i've always wanted something more private; however, this past weekend i celebrated my cousins wedding in eugene and praised the beautiful marriage they are to have. the best part of this big wedding was the fact everybody was there to celebrate the marriage. everyone "approved." everyone loves this couple and couldn't be happier. i can't help it but if, or when, i get married i want that celebration too. i want the people around me, WITHOUT a DOUBT, to approve of the marriage, to celebrate with joy and to acknowledge how great a couple we are.

there has been "friction" amidst my life between people i love and i don't know how to gain peace in this personal war. i think that is why my vacation went so well, there was peace and celebration for my cousin and her husbands success and i didn't have to worry about my own shortcomings.

grandpa

all things must pass . . . and this past weekend my family had to let my grandfather go. as a family, we sat around and reminisced about who he was. we talked about what he wore, his jobs, how he took care of his family, his carpentry skills, and all that he taught us throughout the years. we laughed, we cried, we dozed off in thought, and were together as a whole.
there was this moment . . . during the funeral we all took turns, one by one, scattering dirt on my grandfathers grave. the last person to scatter dirt was my grandmother. my uncle gathered some dirt in the shovel and passed it to my grandmother, whom for a minute, hesitated. bringing her hands clasped together to her mouth, she paused, not ready. she whispered "wait . . ." we were silent and watched her. she took the shovel, and with her four children, poured the dirt into the grave saying "goodbye howard, i can't wait to see you"

im reading this book and in it was a description of what prayer is and what meditation is. what it comes down to is meditation is listening. how often do we stop to listen? my instincts and my heart is how i make my choices. but in all actuality my thoughts override everything and i eventually become indecisive and undirected. what i really need is to listen and meditate and oh how i wonder how to do that. 

what im trying to say is i feel like i am waiting. i don't know what im waiting for or even whom im waiting for it seems ever since my strenuous trek to nursing school, i felt at least my road had a goal but now, im still waiting. i've found a great place for myself, i have a good job, a foot in the door kind of job, and i have family and friends around, and yet i feel like something is not right, something is missing. there have been definite times of prayer: asking, pleading, begging . . . but i never found or felt i heard anything because my thoughts drifted and worried. 

i just think i need to stop. i need to live in the moment and not think so much because it throws me off guard and it tosses and turns my head into loops. if i meditate on the moment, and revel in the second and let my thoughts disappear i think i would be more at peace. and i think thats all i want. 

tuesdays

tuesdays have always been a special day in the life of andrea. the reason being all new music comes out on tuesdays. there is no other day of the week where a new album is introduced to the public.
yesterday was tuesday june 2nd. as a reminder of this day, i placed a pink sticky note on my refrigerator as well as my bathroom mirror. i placed them strategically to be reminded of this day: dead center and eye level, which of course, almost all others would look down upon. what happened on june 2nd you ask?

Dave Matthews Band: Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King.

music helps me think. it provokes feelings, maybe some unnecessary ones, nonetheless, music makes me feel: my heart, my soul, my tears, my joy, my laughter, my spirit.

yesterday was a good day and even today, through work ups and downs, through good news and bad news, all i wanted to do was listen to my new music, because it would take me away from reality and allow me to let go. even for a moment.

so, i work at a long term care facility as a cna. i basically do the dirty work of the nurses, which includes, taking people to the bathroom, the shower, cleaning up "messes," dealing with people hacking up their food including a large variety of smells, so, funny story: (i would only tell my sister, but i do not feel ashamed typing it out)

i was putting one resident down for bed, let's call her tina. she spends 20 minutes in the bathroom, brushing her teeth, washing her face, and drinking cups and cups of water. she has an extreme personality, one which needs patience and love and is legally blind and can only see anything one inch from her face. so i finally get her into her bed and well, much to my embarrasment, i let out a silent fart. tina has a very keen sense of smell, which i was reminded of when she said "oh my goodness what is that smell? who did that?" you should have heard the disgust. please forgive me when i tell you i blamed it on her roommate. no joke. i feel terrible, but 98% of the time, it would have been her roomate. tina went on for about 2 minutes on how badly it smelled and how of course it was her roommate and not me, only her roommate could have let out that stench!
she finally exclaimed "oh my gosh! what did that woman eat!!!" and i do wonder, what i did eat.

ode to friends

dear friends . . . i have come to the realization i have been a poor friend to some. and i have to admit, with much embarrassment, i have no excuse. i hope you forgive me. but please, remember, there are a couple friends, one in particular, with whom i will always think about and care about even when we are both on our own, traveling, studying, working etc. remember "peace, love and flower power." and please, please, forgive me. 

the ultimate gift

i watched "Seven pounds" last night and i seem to be on the fence on how the movie made me feel. i guess, first, i have to determine whether it was realistic; however, realistic movie is an oxymoron, so that idea leads me to a dead end . . .
this idea, this overwhelming feeling of guilt leads to the ultimate gift: life. ironically, it also leads to the exact opposite: death. it is better to lose one life and save several.

what color nail polish are you wearing?

what color nailpolish are you wearing? i am currently wearing black. most people see black nail polish as a goth, or black sabbath, satan worshipping type of style but of course, that's not me. my college roomate turned me on to black nailpolish, which she wears very well by the way.
note: i remember as a kid (elementary school) i always wanted to wear pink, or red. maybe i thought it would make me feel older and prettier. but my mother never let me. i was painfully and obviously too young. much to my disappointment, and not to mention my impatience, i waited, and well, i ended up never wearing red or pink on my fingernails. ever. and well now . . . i enjoy black :) oh the irony. my poor mother i think she hates the black.

i didn't get into nursing school. the crush of defeat after waiting so long. i imagined writing on this blog describing life in chapel hill, the food, the people, the town...but for now, i'll describe the summer in jackson. i believe you felt and heard about the winters but now it's spring and soon to follow, summer. there will be swimming, biking, hiking, camping, floating and smoothies. oh yes, not to mention swimsuit tan lines, not goggle tan lines (i think i have a funky looking one as we speak).

skiing

day: 104. (plus maybe a couple more, the last day is sunday)

unreal. a goal i intended to meet since november. seemingly meaningless, at first, but nonetheless i still feel it is an accomplishment. 

in addition to the amount of days i skied i have to admit the natural comfort i feel on two wooden boards and stiff boots that make my toes numb. honestly, who in their right minds chooses a sport where they go out in the winds and snow, and fog, almost to the point of only seeing two feet in front of themselves on top of a mountain, not mention 30 mph winds? 

i don't know what i was thinking some of those days . . .

today,  i went through a shoot i look down almost every day called "meet your maker" and oh i met him. today i went through and straight lined . . . part of the way . . . and well, i'm proud. i know these days have been fun, and memorable, but it's nice to feel like i've gotten better too. 

the next step, corbits couloir . . . i've looked over the edge, scared to death, and well maybe one day . . .

mood rings

Violet/blue: happy romantic

Blue: calm, relaxed

Green: average, not much going on with you

Yellow/amber: tense, excited

Brown/gray: nervous anxious

Black: negativity. (or cold temperature or a damaged ring)

mine is currently blue/green referring to my calm, relaxed state. Which i guess is average.

thought for the day

thought for the day:
do you mainly see the world in black and white? a definitive right and wrong, good and evil etc. or

do you mainly see yourself seeing the world in gray? meaning (seeing the world in all kinds of colors for example because gray is such a dull color) an "it depends" kind of world?

i was listening to this song, and well because most of the music out there is about love, or relationships etc, i couldn't help but relate what was said in the song to my own personal life. there i was, driving home, feeling "twitterpated" about my own personal life. especially because this has only been the second time i've been able to feel like this for someone else. 

interestingly, amidst this ecstatic feeling, in a matter of seconds fear overcame me. i got scared simply because i haven't been in a relationship this long and frankly, i don't want to get hurt. 

what's so funny is that you get into this relationship and you let them in. you let them into your life and then, for some reason, you wonder if he will fall "out of love" with you. 

i always thought i was a very trusting person, but i guess when you love someone so much, it's easier said than done. i trust him, and who he is, but a part of me wonders if he will ever want someone else. 

because i have put myself out there, not to mention for someone else, it would hurt that much more. 

but why do people do that? why do we automatically doubt someone? am i being selfish because i have put myself out there and i don't want to be the one who gets hurt? they love you and yet you still get scared. 

nonetheless, go back to that song and relate it to your own life. it will give you hope and that, my friends, will make you happy. 

"all i have to fear, is fear itself" right? not the person you love.

the one and only mitch hedberg

" i use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly . . ."

"If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable . . ."

"I order a club sandwich all the time. And i'm not even a member, I don't know how i get away with it. 

"I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread."

"So do I."

"Let's form a club then"

"Okay, but we're gonna need some more stipulations."

"yes we do."

"OK . . . instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again."

"Yeah, four triangles."

"And we will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips. Or potato salad."

"Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?"

"I'm for'em!!"

"Well, this club is formed. Spread the news on menus nationwide"

dear readers

dear readers, i deleted a post you may or may not have read and well, to a certain someone, whose name will not be mentioned, it seemed angry. i am by no means an angry person, and if i offended you i deeply, and sincerely, apologize. 

i guess what i meant to say is that i cannot take criticism. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but sometimes i just can't handle someone being "all up in my grill :)"

anyways, for future references, this blog will never, ever be used against any one person. i speak in general terms and i will never take this blog and use it to offend, or hurt , anybody. 

ode to jackson

I often find myself being captivated by the Tetons. sometimes they simply blow me away. oh, how wild they can be.

skiing and the village: the nooks and crannies of rendezvous mountain. the powder stashes, the corduroy, the trees, the lifts, the hobacks☺ : “Good morning skiers and snowboarders. This is Andrea with the ski report for March 5, 2009. Today’s conditions are packed powder and machine groomed. Don’t forget! The weather report calls for one foot overnight.” the sanctuary and peace amidst this entire mountain is endless and not forget, as a skier, I have only become better since I’ve moved here.

the friends: the best. I am pretty sure they were a blessing way beyond my expectations. one in particular restored my faith in people. dziekuje.

biking: red top meadows. do I need to say more?

pearl street bagels: seven grain with a shmear of veggie cream cheese.

center for the arts: a place for exercise and dancing, yoga and hip-hop and tap dancing. oh yes, I did take a tap dancing class. as well as concerts, movie premiers, and all my nursing classes. I guess you could say I have spent my share of time there.

Jackson holds so much for me. I grown here. I’ve been happy.

the first entry seemed a little melodramatic, or should i say a debbie-downer entry, so i thought i could maybe lighten the mood:
my blog is about having a voice. talking about issues and life-changing events and light-hearted stories that made my day etc. as much as it is about my voice, it's about the response, any opinion or advice, i will listen. in a way, to hear advice or a response from a total stranger, sometimes, seems more "legit." in other words, an unbiased angle.
here's a quick story, maybe some can identify with, but also the more comedic part of my life:

do you ever feel like you are slowly disappearing? for instance, i sit here, at a table, outside by myself, eating and reading and slowly, but surely, one chair is picked up from the table and moved...then another...and then another and then i find all that's left are two chairs...one for me and one for my bag.

where i begin . . .

...this unwavering, transcendent like faith. so grounded. it's the kind of thing i always strived for but never grasped. it feels like this interminable and yet impossible journey. i think my problem lies mostly in my ignorance as well as this blind understanding. in fact, this inability to understand whatsoever. resulting in doubt . . . a lack of faith in what and who I believe in. i think, in a way, i lost faith in people. the constant disrespect and selfishness I saw and experienced made me lose faith in others. to my naive and hopeful outlook-i was monotonously and utterly disappointed. but for some reason, my instincts will always turn to hope. a bitter yet sweet personality trait. i believed in people and yet I lost faith.all I had left was God but my deep feelings of anger, of betrayal and abandonment were towards Him. even though i still believe in God, my faith in Him has slowly disappeared. i know now that it is all due to my own lack of understanding.most of all, I've lost faith in myself. it's as if i'm the one trying to walk on water and it's me who is sinking....all I can here are those words "ye of little faith"