the one and only mitch hedberg

" i use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly . . ."

"If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable . . ."

"I order a club sandwich all the time. And i'm not even a member, I don't know how i get away with it. 

"I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread."

"So do I."

"Let's form a club then"

"Okay, but we're gonna need some more stipulations."

"yes we do."

"OK . . . instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again."

"Yeah, four triangles."

"And we will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips. Or potato salad."

"Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?"

"I'm for'em!!"

"Well, this club is formed. Spread the news on menus nationwide"