im reading this book and in it was a description of what prayer is and what meditation is. what it comes down to is meditation is listening. how often do we stop to listen? my instincts and my heart is how i make my choices. but in all actuality my thoughts override everything and i eventually become indecisive and undirected. what i really need is to listen and meditate and oh how i wonder how to do that. 

what im trying to say is i feel like i am waiting. i don't know what im waiting for or even whom im waiting for it seems ever since my strenuous trek to nursing school, i felt at least my road had a goal but now, im still waiting. i've found a great place for myself, i have a good job, a foot in the door kind of job, and i have family and friends around, and yet i feel like something is not right, something is missing. there have been definite times of prayer: asking, pleading, begging . . . but i never found or felt i heard anything because my thoughts drifted and worried. 

i just think i need to stop. i need to live in the moment and not think so much because it throws me off guard and it tosses and turns my head into loops. if i meditate on the moment, and revel in the second and let my thoughts disappear i think i would be more at peace. and i think thats all i want.